1. |
Paperback
02:20
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You were folding ears in a paperback. I've been losing years trying to keep track of all the ways that we fall apart and try to stitch ourselves back together. But there's no pattern that guides the seams; there's little left but a fading memory of the threadbare days and tattered nights that led us here.
Oh, you don't know how bad this hurts, and I don't know which way to go from here.
We were singing "Two-Headed Boy" as we tiptoed around the glass shattered on the long walk back home as we overlooked the underpass. Mike says that we're canvases of blue, painting in who we love and who we lose. At the rate I'm going, I'll be running out of paint soon.
We fell in love on a cable car. We made it home with a few extra scars. Who knew falling apart could feel so right? We spent a little time apart. We lost ourselves in someone else's art. Who knew coming home could feel so right?
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2. |
Stone
02:12
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Checked my ego at the front desk, left my issues on a carousel. I guess I've got some unclaimed baggage these days. Raced my shadow back home, tried to erase the memories of younger years and lock the door behind me.
I wanna fly like a stone through the window of that old house, go inside, kick down the walls, leave it behind me. We all knew this house was haunted before we even cracked the door, but we can't turn back. No, we can't go home no more.
Pack a bag, go somewhere new. Sleep on floors, rooms without views. Lie awake and wonder why this even matters. Forget to write. Feel winter blues drive you away, just like I do. I haven't felt this lonely in forever.
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3. |
Parents' House
02:14
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In the basement of your parents' house, we thought we had it all figured out. We made a map to escape, but things never worked out the way we'd spread the map out on the floor.
I remember we were 17. We took your '98 green Jeep, went out to the park cruised around in the dark; you smoked cigarettes in the autumn breeze.
Then you turned and you said to me you were sick of the hand-me-down dreams. Said, “Everybody you meet has some assumptions, you see, and expectations they've set for me.”
So you found a new way to be someone none of us had ever seen. Saw you fading away we were too scared to say anything at all.
You were the first of our friends to die. They put you in the ground in the Spring. Your parents were crying. The tea kettle screamed, as I poured out a cup for me.
Years later while writing these words I heard the faintest cry of a bird. I looked outside, watched your car pass by, and wish I had said goodbye. I never said goodbye.
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4. |
Keep Dreamin'
02:14
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I thought I was prepared; I boarded over windows, stuffed the cracks under the doors, but the storm still came and blew my house away. I've been sweating for peace, bleeding in war. Last time, I saw you passed out on the floor, dreaming of something worth fighting for. But I guess you'll keep dreamin' while the blood spills on the floor.
I've been finding new ways to fall apart, feeling like a photo with a watermark. Is there anything left for me anymore? I'll keep spinning records on my bedroom floor, nursing wounds I got three days before. Dreaming of a day we won't fight anymore, but I guess I'll keep dreamin' while the blood spills on the floor.
You'll never find your way back home. I'm bleeding out; you're too far gone. You left some breadcrumbs but they got lost while we were dreaming.
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5. |
Me Oh My
02:13
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Me oh my, why can't I just go home? You're so far away, wish you'd stay gone. I'm trying to find the right words to say (not that they mean much anyway). I'm just sick and tired of feeling alone because you're never home when I need you. Yeah, the old you is gone more every time I see you. Don't know how we got this way; I'm still not quite sure what to say.
Why does everything feel all wrong? It's been a long time since I've felt strong. I was thinking about it the other day; I used to have so much to say, but now I just bite my tongue. The words are gone when I need them. I put the pen to the paper, but the ink's run dry like some broken fountain. My handwriting's become a mess; I can't escape this loneliness.
Oh, there's nowhere left to go. You turn the volume down, we're driving through the snow. I remember what you said so many years ago, “When everything falls apart all we can do is grow.” Oh, the time is moving slow. My eyes are growing weak; I'm getting vertigo. I've gotta pull myself out of the undertow, stare out at the road from a faded dashboard glow.
I'm moving on. I don't need you. Got ignored too long, so I guess I'll see you. I called you on the phone today to say “so long, wish I could stay,” but you didn't even take the call. You didn't take the call.
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6. |
Ghost
03:06
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When you are a ghost, I'll let you haunt my home -- as if I ever had a choice to leave you behind. I'm a tired ghost. Please don't exorcise my home, and don't ever let my younger years define the life I've led. You're a homesick host missing your friends who had to go, and they didn't leave a note or say goodbye.
I've been seeing visions in my sleep of all the things that never came to be. Life is a tragedy, and nobody makes it out alive. No matter how hard we try, we all fall down and get lost sometimes.
Driving through the snow, eyes attached to rearview roads with the hopes that one of them will lead you home. Instead we're saying final words that we all wish you had heard before you were beyond the reach of song.
I've been hearing whispers in my sleep of all the things that never came to be. Life is a tragedy, and nobody makes it out alive. No matter how hard we try, we all fall down and get lost sometimes.
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7. |
In the In-Between
02:51
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It's been so long since I've heard your voice I've forgotten the way that it sounds. You're somewhere far across the sea, but I wish you could see me now.
Because I'm stuck somewhere in the in-between of growing up and holding onto my dreams, and when I see your face light up my screen, I think about the kid I used to be.
I hope the weather's nice in Tuscany and Andorra's peaks are breathtaking; I'll be at home still half asleep trying to forget the way to your house.
By now it's just muscle memory when I retrace the lines each time you wave goodbye.
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8. |
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I left for awhile. I took a drive at three in the morning, but I don't know if I ever made it all the way back.
So here is my submission to The Midnight Society. It's “The Tale of the Kid Who Grew Up Too Fast,” falling asleep being the wheel at four in the afternoon. And the silent drive back home made him glad to be alive. When your life flashes before your eyes, and you want everyone else to be okay – that's when you really start to know who you are.
But sometimes I just want to forget that everyone grows up and dies someday. So let's live the lives we wanna lead and be more like Anthony.
It's been a long, hard year but I know we've grown from it. From the worst days to times like now, all we've got is each other.
If we're growing up too fast, I'll take a few steps back, and I'll tell my friends that I love them. If we're growing up too fast, I'll take your word for that, and I'll do my best to keep up because I refuse to sink.
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9. |
Bunsen
01:34
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Where'd all my friends go when the music died? Is this a fashion show for your wounded sense of pride? All these songs are slow. Please check your ego at the door. Hop on another show if you won't play on the floor.
Where'd the ethics go? Are they buried underground where I don't even know how to find my way around? Must be 21 to go see your favorite band play one final show; denied by the doorman.
Where'd all my friends go?
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10. |
Last Few Desperate
03:04
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Stayed up all night listening to The Mountain Goats, wishing for things that'll never happen and pining for times that have long since passed. I'm sick of growing older but not living, and I'm even more sick of losing my best friends.
Go through the day and John K. Samson sings that he's trying to figure out who's left and who's leaving. I just don't know if I've left or when I'm leaving.
You know I've been broken down, just like you look broken now. Never give up. Never left go. Hold on to the ones you know. Never forget the friends you still have and always remember to keep making plans.
You were just a simile, and I was like a metaphor – confused about our meanings and wondering what it is that we're here for and knowing that we could be so much more.
So when the last few desperate hours lead to the first few desperate calls, don't forget to say goodbye when you let this all go.
I won't forget to say goodbye before I let this all go.
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Dakota Floyd recommends:
Jeremy is not only a phenomenal visual artist, but a great musician. This has been a favorite EP of mine for awhile now.
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Eric recorded "Localities" and is the creator of one of my favorite all-time records.
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Housemates.
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featured on Bandcamp Radio Dec 8, 2023
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